I got chris browned last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
