Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
