Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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