How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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