I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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