Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
