I smell stomach acid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
