I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
