yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
