While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
