I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
