just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
