it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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