i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
