I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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