I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
