Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
