I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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