she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
