I just saw a hot homeless man
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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