Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
