OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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