How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
