Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am available for nakedness
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
