So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
