he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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