a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
