so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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