woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
