A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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