whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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