what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
