ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
