I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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