i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
