If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
