I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
