dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
