Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she peed on how many people?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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