Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
