ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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