I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
