Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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