But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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