Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
