Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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