A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
