Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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