Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
