she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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