I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
