I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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