people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
